Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Monday I did something I've dreamed about every single day since I started Green Cycle Designs... I quit my day job. No, I didn't walk in and scream, "I won the lottery, I'm outta here!" I very calmly (with my heart beating out of my chest thinking I was having another awesome episode) did it. I did it.... I DID IT! I gave notice and as of February 1st I will officially be my own CEO, CFO, COO & most importantly... Artist & Mommy! Ask me what I do for a living, "I'm an artist!" Can you say lifelong dream being fulfilled?!
Although I've been dreaming about this for a very long time, I have 2 very special boys in my life that made it a reality. First of all being my husband for believing in me every step of the way. For the 6 years that GCD has been around he's been my "unpaid intern". That's a long time to not collect a paycheck :) He helps me at every show, he shleps everything, packs the car, paints stems for me and he even secretly sometimes gets creative and we say that I made it... Shhhhh :) Thank you Andy, a million times over. I love you!
And secondly my Baby Max... Yes, my son who all he can say is "Eggy", scream for fun and blow raspberries has 100% motivated me to do it.
You see when I first went back to work from my maternity leave I was a mess. Max had reflux for the first couple months and we were just getting into our routine and having fun and then BOOP! time to go back to reality. I realized in that first week that by the time I picked him up and got him home, I only had 2 hours a day with him. 2 hours a day, 5 days a week and that being if he didn't take a nap when we got home. Did I say I was a mess?
I would ask family and friends how they did it and was returned with "you make it work" or "it just kind of becomes your routine" and even some answers of "Ugh, aren't you excited to go back to work?" and I can remember thinking, "NO! This is not for me! This is not what I want for my life!"
So as the story goes I went to my parents one day to pick up Max, I don't know maybe a week or so into my return to work and had an absolute melt down. I needed to be with my baby... not want... NEED. It's crazy that this primal instinct comes over you when you become a mom... Like they aren't lying when they say you would literally jump in front of a train for them. After a long discussion and picking up all the pieces of my heart I decided what I had to do..... I needed to make it work.
I went home to Andy that day and had a long discussion. We agreed that since season was upon us (Christmas is just that for etsy sellers.... Christmas!) we would see how it goes and take it from there. This of course gave me permission to be an absolute crazy person and stay up until 1:00am and then get up with Max at 5:00am. I did this for oh maybe 2 months straight, became a zombie, didn't see any friends, folded paper anywhere I could, got a terrible flu.....but you know what.... I did it... I FUCKING DID IT! ahem... excuse my French, but I did it!
I remember reading a book a few years ago... I want to say it was the terrible follow-up to the book Eat Pray Love and in one part she goes off on a tangent about how much her mom sacrificed for her and how she had to put her own dreams and desires aside and leave them unfulfilled. I remember thinking at that time too... "No! It doesn't have to be that way if you don't want it to be!" The only obstacle in front of you is yourself and if you want something bad enough, you can do it! You may have to bust your ass and catch a wicked flu to get it, but you'll get it.
I feel like the before and after Tara... And so far I'm loving the after Tara. This is me... This is what I'm meant to do, be and feel. I've grown GCD so much over the past 6 years so much with working a steady 9:00-5:00, that I'm over the moon to see where I can take it when it's my full time job.
Thank you to all of my family and friends for being my endless support system. You come to shows, you buy and gift my wares, you help me fold, you lend me tables, you make silly pretzel banana caterpillars with me at shows... you're just the best group of people a girl could surround herself with and I'm endlessly grateful. I couldn't do it without you....
So on that note, I just want to say cheers to 2014! I hope it brings you everything you want and desire in life, it can if you want it to :)